Keyword Gawking

Warning: this is a preposterously off-topic post.
Everyone knows that you can vaporize a lot of time looking at your blog's analytics.

But for me, there is nothing more fun than looking deep into Casual Kitchen's list of keywords, seeking out the kookiest and most obscure searches that bring people to my blog.

I call this dubious pastime "keyword gawking" and I thought I'd share some of the best search strings with you. Every single one of these searches actually brought a reader to Casual Kitchen.

Some searches I truly sympathize with:
* i crave chocolate constantly
* i love you too alcoholic drink
* chocoholic withdrawal symptoms

Some searchers are looking for acceptance and sympathy from Google:
* is it normal to eat a whole bag of doritos?
* i don't want to make dinner
* i boiled an egg but it broke
* i quit cooking no one appreciates it
* finally give dinner party and my dinner was terrible

Some searches sound like cries for help to the Google gods:
* terrible cook needing to make dinner, recipes easy and quick
* why are moms expected to cook?
* i may have ingested raw chicken what should i do
* i did great today with my eating now tonight i find myself eating cookie dough
* help, i have to do a last minute dinner party for 10 what can i cook
* when i feel hungry i eat. the more hungry i feel the more that i will eat. that's positive feedback. is this an example of positive feedback?

Some searches are for things that don't exist:
* affordable kona coffee

Sometimes I really hope the searcher didn't find what he was looking for at Casual Kitchen:
* unpalatable cooking
* unethical vegetarian restaurant
* tips for how to cut
* stale granola recipe
* mayonnaise-based pasta sauce
* health benefits of salmon eyeballs
* erectile dysfunction and cheating
* a pain in the ass recipe

Some are critically important questions that we all wonder about:
* why do my teeth hurt after i eat icecream

Some deal with the breakdown of society:
* why do people eat stuff and put the empty bag back
* how to cook methadone
* home expedient method to make meth
* easy fake crystal meth recipe
* im going porkin

Some sound like Jeopardy questions:
* the kitchen expression for being prepared for cooking is

Some are downright weird:
* perfectly preserved body chocolate in one hand what a ride
* cavatappi, scooby

* "sure kill" x-files dedicated to...
* more i brush my teeth, my teeth spread
* mole sauce pregnant
* tabasco sinuses
* dear sir or madam this letter i am going to write about why tv is so important today

Some I'd like to know the answers to myself!
* something special about the name daniel
* how will future cooking be done
* the coolest unpatented ideas
* how to feel full without actually eating food

Some are eye-burningly ungrammatical:
* stuff to eat when your ill
* what spices can you get high off of?!
* what to eat to get better eye site
* how to write a unsatisfactory letter to a company
* how is overeating a evolutionary trate

Finally, some search strings are exactly what I would search for myself:
* delicious, fast, easy, inexpensive recipes
* salmonella chicken paranoia
* one gallon tabasco
* manliest alcoholic drinks
* laughably cheap meals
* recipes that aren't a pain in the ass

I'm particularly proud to say that Casual Kitchen comes up as the number one search result for those final two search strings. I must be doing something right.

I hope that the tens of thousands of people who search on Google and stumble onto Casual Kitchen find what they seek. To all of you out there: thanks for finding me!

Related Posts:
Best Of Casual Kitchen
Most Popular Posts of Casual Kitchen
Our New Zealand Travel Blog

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Unknown said...

Hahahaha! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who spends too much time checking out Google Analytics.

I'm going to have to go back and check my search words now.

The thing that tends to draw me in is the Map View. I love it when someone finds my blog from some obscure corner of the world.
*Mauritius? Where's that? (click zoom a few times...) Holy cow, it's a tiny island way off the coast of Madagascar...


Julia said...

You and Lydia from the Perfect Pantry -- she's always posting funny keyword searches. I never seem to have anything that amusing...

Though searching the analytics brought me to your site, so it's a good thing.

Chloe (Naturally Frugal) said...

Ha Ha, I love it. One of my favorite search terms for my site was "how to make friends while poor". I hope they found their answer :)

Janet C said...

LOL....I didn't even KNOW that such a thing as Keyword Gawking existed! Once again, Casual Kitchen has taught me something useless yet valuable!

Seriously, Dan, Thank you for your blog. You are an inspiration...

Rich and Col said...

anything turn up to inspire future posts? Mayo-based pasta sauces , how to boil an egg? How about a little crystal meth recipe?

The Diva on a Diet said...

LOL! The analytics are so crazy sometimes.

My all time favorite for my blog is: "ugly naked chicken"!

The Diva on a Diet said...

I had to come back and report that after checking my stats today, I have another curious query: "feeling of impending death" ... ack!

Joanne said...

Haha! I still haven't figured out how to get google analytics to show me any of these things but I certainly loved reading yours. Too funny.

Daniel said...

Mike, I love looking at the mapview too. Pretty cool to have readers from all around the world.

Julia, welcome and I'm happy you stopped by. Your blog is excellent and I've linked to you more than a few times!

Chloe, I guess that's better than "how to MAKE friends poor" isn't it?

Janet, thank you so much for the postitive vibes! You made my day.

Rich & Col: I'm still shuddering at "mayo based pasta sauces." How could such a thing exist? I'm still looking for an easy and frugal crystal meth recipe. :)

Diva, those are some good ones--I think I smell a post idea for you!

Joanne, thanks for reading as always, and glad to give you a laugh. Thanks for your comment!


Heather Solos said...

I know the Jeopardy answer, "What is Mise en place?"
Now we're all a little geekier.

Daniel said...

Heather, right on--thank you!

And here's a real gem that somebody searched for on September 4th:

"how much weed is need for 12 large muffins"

Meth? Weed? What kind of a site is this anyway?


AmandaLP said...

There was a local salad buffet restaurant that had a dish that included mayo, Parmesan cheese, and corn. It was actually very good :) Making it at home was an interesting task, as there is something about putting mayo on pasta. But it was worth it. (Hmm, blog post idea?) :)

Chats the Comfy Cook said...

I am glad you have fun on the Net and with your blog. That is how it should be, in my opinion.

Karen at the Cape said...

Loved this! I may have to look up the coolest unpatented ideas myself!

Daniel said...

Amanda--I think I'll let you get dibs on that blog post idea. ;)

Sweet and Savory, thank you so much for the positive vibes! This blog represents one of the most fun things I've ever done in my life.

Karen: Hey, when you find a few "coolest unpatented ideas" be sure to pass them along!


Holly said...

I love these - and I'm jealous my most interesting search term to date is still just "house smells like chlorine". Too funny. I see why it is a pastime.

Barbara | Creative Culinary said...

Like you I get some doozies...but I am particularly proud of the fact that the two most popular search terms for my blog are:

1. Bacon Jam
2. Cake

The bacon jam I get but cake? I can't figure out from why, how or where...but what the heck; I'll take it!