Warning: this is a preposterously off-topic post.
Everyone knows that you can vaporize a lot of time looking at your blog's analytics.
But for me, there is nothing more fun than looking deep into Casual Kitchen's list of keywords, seeking out the kookiest and most obscure searches that bring people to my blog.
I call this dubious pastime "keyword gawking" and I thought I'd share some of the best search strings with you. Every single one of these searches actually brought a reader to Casual Kitchen.
Some searches I truly sympathize with:
* i crave chocolate constantly
* i love you too alcoholic drink
* chocoholic withdrawal symptoms
Some searchers are looking for acceptance and sympathy from Google:
* is it normal to eat a whole bag of doritos?
* i don't want to make dinner
* i boiled an egg but it broke
* i quit cooking no one appreciates it
* finally give dinner party and my dinner was terrible
Some searches sound like cries for help to the Google gods:
* terrible cook needing to make dinner, recipes easy and quick
* why are moms expected to cook?
* i may have ingested raw chicken what should i do
* i did great today with my eating now tonight i find myself eating cookie dough
* help, i have to do a last minute dinner party for 10 what can i cook
* when i feel hungry i eat. the more hungry i feel the more that i will eat. that's positive feedback. is this an example of positive feedback?
Some searches are for things that don't exist:
* affordable kona coffee
Sometimes I really hope the searcher didn't find what he was looking for at Casual Kitchen:
* unpalatable cooking
* unethical vegetarian restaurant
* tips for how to cut
* stale granola recipe
* mayonnaise-based pasta sauce
* health benefits of salmon eyeballs
* erectile dysfunction and cheating
* a pain in the ass recipe
Some are critically important questions that we all wonder about:
* why do my teeth hurt after i eat icecream
Some deal with the breakdown of society:
* why do people eat stuff and put the empty bag back
* how to cook methadone
* home expedient method to make meth
* easy fake crystal meth recipe
* im going porkin
Some sound like Jeopardy questions:
* the kitchen expression for being prepared for cooking is
Some are downright weird:
* perfectly preserved body chocolate in one hand what a ride
* cavatappi, scooby
* "sure kill" x-files dedicated to...
* more i brush my teeth, my teeth spread
* mole sauce pregnant
* tabasco sinuses
* dear sir or madam ...in this letter i am going to write about why tv is so important today
Some I'd like to know the answers to myself!
* something special about the name daniel
* how will future cooking be done
* the coolest unpatented ideas
* how to feel full without actually eating food
Some are eye-burningly ungrammatical:
* stuff to eat when your ill
* what spices can you get high off of?!
* what to eat to get better eye site
* how to write a unsatisfactory letter to a company
* how is overeating a evolutionary trate
Finally, some search strings are exactly what I would search for myself:
* delicious, fast, easy, inexpensive recipes
* salmonella chicken paranoia
* one gallon tabasco
* manliest alcoholic drinks
* laughably cheap meals
* recipes that aren't a pain in the ass
I'm particularly proud to say that Casual Kitchen comes up as the number one search result for those final two search strings. I must be doing something right.
I hope that the tens of thousands of people who search on Google and stumble onto Casual Kitchen find what they seek. To all of you out there: thanks for finding me!
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